| Author | Message | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 539 Registered: 08-2004 |
Lollipops & Propaganda This is one way stories are invented. Take a blonde, long-legged child, place her in a bad situation. For example, over there in that red bricked, smoky top factory with broken windows. Tell her she will sleep there alone with a telephone book for pillow and newspaper as blanket. Use reference for comical banter. Classifieds: Real Estate- Section B. Involve characters. Perhaps a freemason named Bill, resembles a wolf and smells of stale beer. His sidekick, a human-like rat with a frosted wimple and nails painted pearl. Say that they begin all their sentences with God. Now this is one way rumors are started— tell the child you will be back soon with her little brother. (Message edited by klhmonahan on January 14, 2006) | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3804 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Karen A haunting story with staying power that speaks to today's sad headlines. Bravo, Karen. Possibly it should be "Lollipops" and "freemasons" one word. The telephone book for pillow is a devastatingly bleak image and I like the way you have described the men as well. They may be a bit caricaturish but I feel you have drawn the scene so well that they come across as real. The line "Say that they begin all their sentences with God." is a fine line and adds a nice wrinkle to the standard sexual predator idea, a hint of religious mania and justification in the mens' minds for what they are doing. Spooky. A wonderful poem, Karen. All my best Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://christophertgeorge.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 543 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks Chris. Yeah those words were both questionable. I added and removed some places I felt needed. Thanks again for your thoughts. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| R D McManes
Advanced Member Username: mac Post Number: 297 Registered: 03-2001 |
powerful images Karen, the world is full of such characters or at least the daily news seems full of them. well done. mac Mac | ||
| Dorothy Doyle Mienko
Advanced Member Username: dorothea Post Number: 64 Registered: 04-2003 |
you are a strong poetry voice- this poem proves that. | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 544 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks Mac, and Dorothy. It kills me to hear that the world is still full of such things. Hopefully it is more that there is news of such things. They closed down the Masonic Home For Unwanted Children (at least that's the name that I remember)in Fort Worth. I'm sure there are several adults happy about that one. There are a few other places that I know have adopted certain restrictions. Enough said (for now) Thanks y'all. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1274 Registered: 08-2005 |
Karen, what scary images! So sadly, they are true, everyday, somewhere. You've captured a horror very poetically. Well done. | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 553 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks Morgan! (((smile))) Karen | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6340 Registered: 11-1998 |
I particularly like the angle you took to present this material, Karen. It felt as if the narrator wished you to believe it was all one-step removed, as if it wasn't really happening. Which only underscores the fact that it probably was all too real. This distance actually worked in the reverse to make everything that much more gruesome. Compelling stories told in a matter-of-fact way become much larger. Good job on that. BTW -- I'd hyphenate long-legged. | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 554 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks M, again, for reading and giving me that bit of something I need to continue writing certain material. Learning to back away from something emotional has two benefits; it keeps a conversation comfortable for both reader/listener and writer/speaker and, produces clarity of fact, which removes fear of response. It has taken me a long time to learn to do this, and yes, these poems can still knock me back a peg, but somehow they help to keep me real and special. I have a hard time reading raw emotion, or even listening to raw emotion, but then, hey, I am a bit protective of my goat. (wink) Anyho.. thanks for letting me know what you think, and yeah, that long-legged thing—lol but no one-way. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3816 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Karen Yes I believe you have discovered that the use of myth, legend, and imagery can enable us to write about such difficult things and can make the writing powerful. Excellent work, Karen. Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://christophertgeorge.blogspot.com/ | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3787 Registered: 07-2002 |
Karen, This is an exceptional piece of writing. The horror is under the surface, the foreshadowing palpable. Well done. best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 558 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks Chris, your comments are much appreciated here. Lisa, thank you, dear. You are so sweet. You all encourage me so much. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 6301 Registered: 07-2001 |
Karen, a vg read, but thoughts This is one way stories are invented. (cut this is)(  Take a blonde, long-legged child, (cut take place her in a bad situation. For example, (placed)(not sure of for example, it might go and change line breaks) over there in that red bricked, smoky top factory with broken windows. (if over there in that was simply the red etc., the single line S could be folded into this S (with the other cuts) Smiles. Gary A River Transformed The Dawg House December Fireweed | ||
| Dan Cox
Valued Member Username: dcox56 Post Number: 124 Registered: 08-2005 |
Karen, This is a stunning piece. Understated, disturbing, profoundly affecting. No nits from me, just chills. great stuff. take care, Dan | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 562 Registered: 08-2004 |
Thanks Gary. I know how much you like commenting on personal-type poems.. so, I'm flattered and once again encouraged. Thanks Dan, I appreciate that. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1706 Registered: 11-2004 |
Chilling, Karen! The undercurrent of fear in your matter-of-fact delivery is very effective. take care~dale | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 796 Registered: 10-2005 |
Karen- These true to life stories really rock the world. This one is a gem and unforgetable. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 583 Registered: 08-2004 |
Laz! Thank you dear, you are a treasured reader. (((smile))) Karen | ||
| Karen L Monahan
Intermediate Member Username: klhmonahan Post Number: 584 Registered: 08-2004 |
Dale, I'm sorry.. I didn't see you up there. Thank you hon, your thoughts mean a great deal to me. (((smile))) Karen |
