| Author | Message | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2746 Registered: 12-2003 |
Why I Wake Early I am thankful to see day approach, the first splinterings of snow so cold it reminds of the day I had the biopsy, the wait for test results, and the relief of words. Not cancer. Sometimes I wake early in wan light breathing in and out in meditation with clouds scuffing across the sky. I remember the moment Meghan was born, the shock of Down syndrome, and deeper shock of her deformed heart, the five month wait for surgery, and the gortex patch that keeps her in my life. There are days I wake before dawn, in the blackness of 4 am, my husband snores softly next to me. He is not an easy man, tends to do things the hard way, at times refuses to understand. He stays, and I stay. He would not like being in this poem. I count the colors in the sunset, know I have had this day, made it through another. One by one, I give thanks for the hard times. | ||
| Supafly
Advanced Member Username: supafly Post Number: 130 Registered: 11-2003 |
"He would not like being in this poem." Excellent reflexive power. | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 2217 Registered: 08-2003 |
"Splinterings of snow" "meditation with clouds" Whispy images that complement the tougher emotional content. I enjoyed this and wish I could have written my own piece for the challenge. Maybe it's not too late to be thankful... I might end it at "made it through another" but this is a personal piece and that is always your call.  E | ||
| Chuck Levenstein
Valued Member Username: chucklev Post Number: 124 Registered: 12-2001 |
Kathy, there is a directness about this poem that is very appealing. It strikes right to the heart. I agree with E about ending, and would also cut lines like "and the relief of words." The Husband verse is perfect, although I might cut "He stays, and I stay." Glad I woke up early to join you -- Chuck Chuck http://www.niederngasse.com | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3521 Registered: 07-2002 |
Kathy, Wow. Hard hitting--especially here: He stays, and I stay. He would not like being in this poem. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Star
New member Username: star Post Number: 18 Registered: 11-2005 |
a thoughtful and enjoyable piece. as has been suggested by others i would pare it down somewhat, make it tighter. i love 'He would not like being in this poem'. Star | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5998 Registered: 11-1998 |
Wonderful entry in the Challenge, Kathy. I was so touched by the honesty in this poem. I started tearing up over the lines about Meghan and sniffled through the rest of the read. In addition to what Lisa quoted, the ending was a personal favorite. If we can say thank you for the hard times, we are getting somewhere. It is easy to be thankful for the good things, but to see the light in the hard ones is much tougher. Thank you for this poem of courage and strength. | ||
| M. Kathryn Black
Senior Member Username: kathryn Post Number: 2879 Registered: 09-2002 |
Kathy, I liked the same lines the other's did. It's a strong, honest poem about personal strength--very inspiring. Best, Kathryn | ||
| Penelope
Intermediate Member Username: penelope Post Number: 478 Registered: 07-2005 |
Kathy, this touched me. I consider it a special gift to have been offered this glimpse. It is inspiring poetically and personally. Thanks for opening your thanksgiving to us all. Penelope | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2755 Registered: 12-2003 |
Supafly, thanks. I wasn't sure about just dropping that in the poem. E, thanks, and for telling me what you liked. Chuck, thanks, and for your suggestions, also glad you liked the poem. LJ, thanks as always. Now I'm leaving the "He stays, and I stay" in for sure! Star, thanks. You should see where this poem started and how much it's already been pared! M, thank you so much. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm glad you like the ending. I'm leaving it there. Kathryn, thank you. Yes, I guess it is about personal strength and where you find it. Glad to inspire you. Penelope, thank you, and you're welcome. Glad to share. K | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 766 Registered: 01-2005 |
Okay, I'll say it - think Short List. Denis Personal website - dmgar.com - Haiku Unchained Blog - Haiku Harvest magazine - My Lulu.com bookstore | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2764 Registered: 12-2003 |
Denis, thanks for your vote of confidence. K | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5735 Registered: 07-2001 |
He stays, and I stay. He would not like being in this poem. The way of nonpoetic spouses.... Smiles. Gary The Eye of the Coming Storm http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Senior Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2768 Registered: 12-2003 |
Gary, The way of nonpoetic spouses, its too true! Although, we were watching the snow in the trees today, and impromptu he pretty well matched a few lines in my last sun song, too many gerunds, but close. K |
