| Author | Message | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5121 Registered: 07-2001 |
Fall in the Garden of the Homeless Rain drips from rose glade gazebos, sticks to murals of Che in Chile, streams through the monkey house, children scream at their nannies. The old man who holds the strings that hold the universe together begs for one coin to buy back his name. Leaves blow through the park, a day-old newspaper captures a lottery ticket, the winner lost. In the rare bookstore, widows adorned in shapeless purple celebrate the day M. S---- - H---- proposed to the girl with gold hair and clay-blue eyes. I can barely see the garden, my windows fractured with frost, cold seeping beneath the carpet, round the dining room table, into my favorite chair, nothing left but worry he’ll find shelter mostly dry, warm enough to last most of the night lest the wet strings slip away, lest the celebration pours into the street. The Eye of the Coming Storm http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| M
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5459 Registered: 11-1998 |
Ah, but this was such a good poem, Mr. B. What fascinated me most was that you managed to place all the items in the list into the poem in such subtle and hardly noticeable ways. I had to read the poem several times to find them all. Kudos to you on that. The only reason I did not pick this poem for honors was because I felt some of the others did better on focusing on the room. The room was supposed to be the centerpiece of the poem. In your entry, the room seemed to be a very minor player. But that is the Challenge, and the poem certainly works on many levels beyond that. It was an excellent read. And I have absolutely no suggestions for you other than to suggest you submit this somewhere. It's a fine piece of work. | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5128 Registered: 07-2001 |
Miss Mary Jane, thanks. Twas not complaining, you job is tough enough without snipping from the cheap seats. Besides you know me and rules. Twas fun to place them without them being them. Smiles. Gary The Eye of the Coming Storm http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3096 Registered: 07-2002 |
Gary, I loved this poem. My favorite lines here: The old man who holds the strings that hold the universe together begs for one coin to buy back his name. Bravo! best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Lazarus
New member Username: lazarus Post Number: 35 Registered: 10-2005 |
lest the wet strings slip away, lest the celebration pours into the street. Bravo! Beautiful ending. | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1964 Registered: 08-2003 |
One of your best Gary. But there are so many now.... E | ||
| Allen Itz
Member Username: allenitz Post Number: 57 Registered: 08-2005 |
been out and about, so don't know about whatever the challenge was, but love the poem. this is a universe in its own, like one of those ships in a bottle, perfect and perfectly contained. "Rain drips from rose glade gazebos, sticks to murals of Che in Chile, streams through the monkey house, children scream at their nannies. The old man who holds the strings that hold the universe together begs for one coin to buy back his name." allen the book, "seven beats a second," a collaboration between an old poet and a young artist, plus "chimeras, ideal, errors!," a music CD of jazz improvisation by The Ray-Guhn Show Choir, available now for only $20. | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5155 Registered: 07-2001 |
Thanks all for the very kind words, and to Miss M for giving us the challenge. Smiles. Gary The Eye of the Coming Storm http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ |
