| Author | Message | ||
| Melissa
New member Username: poetryluvr Post Number: 19 Registered: 08-2005 |
I. She draws him close with eyes of hibiscus, slinks toward the man whose silver shekels secure a night of tar black ardor relinquished from the valleys of his hips. As a master she cuts the tender green sprouts off her tree. Sap flows into the wound and for a moment eases the pain, but soon the hole will become a callous, never to bear life again. II. “Come here,” she whispers, cracks the door, her eyes scurry like roaches across the ebony landscape. She motions spies into her home and up to the roof. It’s time that her dirty rags are exchanged for the white linen of the God of Israel; her family’s life for the lives of the spies as her soul takes root in supple soil. III. Jehovah looks down on her in the night, sees blossoms on the tree of her life sparkling as the coins that once garnered her sole provisions, as the ones that now pay for her new robes. Those men who once tossed their money to purchase favors now see Yahweh in her eyes. They can’t help but wonder at the conversion of Rahab. ©Melissa Rupp | ||
| elijah burke
New member Username: spiltextmob Post Number: 35 Registered: 08-2005 |
Melissa - I read much of the Book of Joshua just last night, and here you are with a lovely account of Rahab the Prostitute's role in the fall of Jericho. What strange timing. To me anyway. Great language and description. Thanks for sharing. "we saw ourselves now as we never had seen" -Ian Curtis | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1782 Registered: 08-2003 |
Hi Melissa, gee I'm baaack! Glad to see you here. I caught a cupla things. Sap flows into the wound and for a moment eases the pain(.), [but] (S)oon the hole will become a callous, never to bear life again. and Jehovah looks down on her in the night, sees blossoms on the tree of her life sparkling as the coins that once garnered her sole provisions(--)[, as] the ones that now pay for her new robes. Okay I'll hush now  E | ||
| Melissa
New member Username: poetryluvr Post Number: 22 Registered: 08-2005 |
EEK! E--You're everywhere!!! :-) Thanks for the comments though--I'll fix it! Elijah--You're right. That is funny. But it doesn't surprise me. God often tends to work like that! P.S. I LOVE your name! I want my first son (waaaaaay in the future!!!) to have that name! :-) | ||
| M
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 5252 Registered: 11-1998 |
A good piece of work, Melissa. The only part that struck me as rather odd was this: "her eyes scurry like roaches across the ebony landscape" I don't think our eyes scurry. This simile you have here gives the reader a vision of the eyes popping out of the woman's head and running around on the ground. Not exactly the image you wish to impart, I'd guess. I'd continue to work on that part until you come up with a comparison that really imitates darting eyes. It's not really our eyes that dart so much, it's really our vision that goes wandering around when we try to take in a landscape. The eyes pretty much stay put in our heads. *smile* | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 2925 Registered: 07-2002 |
Melissa, This is a wonderful piece. The opening is very strong and drew me in. Agree with M's crit about the scurrying eyes. *shudder* I lived in NYC for some years--had the nasty buggers in our apartment. best, ljc http://ljcbluemuse.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Anastacia Donovan
Valued Member Username: sulis Post Number: 106 Registered: 03-2002 |
Melissa, I find your character sensuous and at the same time unfeeling/busnesslike. Well done. Sulis | ||
| Zephyr
Senior Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 2850 Registered: 07-2003 |
Good strong opening lines and character portrayal, enjoyed. |
