| Author | Message | ||
| Emusing
Senior Member Username: emusing Post Number: 5972 Registered: 08-2003 |
Dear Mods, I wanted to suggest a workshop on linebreaks. I know I need it and would really love if we could begin a thread on this. Let me know your thoughts. I feel a bit like a art collector trying to hang a picture without knowing which side is up. Well...you get the idea. Whaddya think? I know there are articles on linebreaks and I've found a few but a workshop from you and Lisa would be a real masterclass. We could take poems and practice breaking them in interesting ways. e Word Walker Press; Moonday Poetry; Kyoto Journal Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his uniqueness. --Leo Buscaglia | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30672 Registered: 11-1998 |
Dearest E -- thanks for the idea and we'll see what we can do. The only reason I hesitate is that line breaks are a real art, not a science that you can make definite rules about. There's no "101 Essential Line Break Rules to Master." You'll read conflicting advice about the delicate art of line breaking everywhere you go, i.e., what someone tells you never to do, another expert will claim is just fine. For instance, the general rule is to break on strong words, and never weak ones like articles. However, I've seen expert poets break on articles to great effect. It's more something you get a feel for, than something that can be reduced to a set number of technical guidelines. It's like music that way. I don't know if we can train an ear or an eye in an online format. Line breaks are often such an individual choice. What I think is a great line break someone else will come along and think is a disaster. These individual variations are difficult to account for and explain. With experience, most poets get a general feel for what types of line breaks work best for their poems (either overall or individually). And what works for one poet or poem may not apply to another. Unfortunately, there's just no best way to do it. Most settle on what works for them. Love, M | ||
| Emusing
Senior Member Username: emusing Post Number: 5974 Registered: 08-2003 |
Everything you say is true dearest and yet I know I am not the only one who will comment on your technique. It may not be "the" way to do it, but "a" way which is way better than my hunt and peck method. I do sometimes have a feel but when a poem is small it's often difficult. If it were approached perhaps from the view of imparting your knowledge we wouldn't have to have expectations that there are no exceptions. Everything is fluid and the rules are just there to get on with the game but rules are always made to be broken. xo e Word Walker Press; Moonday Poetry; Kyoto Journal Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his uniqueness. --Leo Buscaglia | ||
| W.F. Roby
Intermediate Member Username: wfroby Post Number: 346 Registered: 03-2008 |
I would love to participate in such a "workshop". Perhaps, rather than considering it a "workshop", it can be more like "show and tell". The breaking of lines is the only thing I consider myself the least bit capable of talking about on a Higher level. E -- even if no one else does -- let's break us some lines! One exercise I often do is to take a famous poem and rebreak it to discover why the original breaks work best. Eliot, for instance, taught me so much about my own breaks by his great example. | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 9747 Registered: 07-2002 |
I like your idea, Roby. A discussion on linebreaks, rather than a workshop makes me feel more comfortable. I'm no expert here, by any means! We can certainly start a linebreak thread. Do you have a poem that you'd like to start 'dissecting'? best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog LJCohen | ||
| Mariah Wilson
Intermediate Member Username: mariahwilson43 Post Number: 818 Registered: 11-2007 |
count me in Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility~James Thurber~ | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30674 Registered: 11-1998 |
OK, here's an exercise from Writing Poems (Fourth Edition) by Robert Wallace and Michelle Boisseau: "Here is a poem printed as prose. Experiment with turning it into verse by dividing the lines and stanzas in different ways. What different effects can you create? Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." Play around with that one, either on your own or feel free to post your experiment on this thread. After everyone who's interested has given it a shot, I'll post the poem itself with the author's line and stanza breaks. You can see how close you came. You never know -- your version might be better. Warning: there is no one right answer. Even the original author's may not be the best. And every poet you give this paragraph to will almost always break it differently and believe his/hers is the way it should be.  Love, M | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30675 Registered: 11-1998 |
Here's one of the best discussions of what line breaks can do that I've seen. It's a classic and is used in many textbooks and classrooms to teach about line breaks and their power. But please remember -- this discusses only one aspect of line breaks. There are dozens of issues to take into account when breaking lines. This talks about the power of enjambment: From The Poet's Companion: A Guide to the Pleasures of Writing Poetry by Kim Addonizio and Dorianne Laux "When a line is enjambed, it simply runs on to the next one. If a sentence goes on for several lines, the enjambment makes for a feeling of forward motion; when you get to the period that ends both the sentence and the line, you're going to have a momentary sense of completion, a release from tension. Take, for example, this well-known poem by Gwendolyn Brooks. We Real Cool The Pool Players. Seven at the Golden Shovel. We real cool. We Left school. We Lurk late. We Strike straight. We Sing sin. We Thin gin. We Jazz June. We Die soon. If this poem were written in end-stopped lines, it would look like this: We real cool. We left school. We lurk late. We strike straight. We sing sin. We thin gin. We jazz June We die soon. Read these two versions aloud (really hit strong and heavy on the "We" at the end of the lines in Brooks' version and then pause before going to the next line); you'll hear how the second one has lost its energy, how it lacks the syncopated feel Brooks gets from that "We" at the end of each line. In our rendition, the rhymes of cool-school, late-straight, sin-gin, and June-soon sound heavy-handed and obvious. The end-stopped lines plod along; the last statement, which is now in exact rhythm of the previous lines, no longer surprises. Brooks' poem ends with a different rhythm, but with the conspicuous absence of that "We" we've come to expect at the end of the line, an omission that serves to point up the absence of these bragging pool players whose lives will be cut short." To hear Ms. Brooks read it (which I very highly recommend), and to really hear the effects of syncopation and rhythm, go here: Gwendolyn Brooks reads We Real Cool The poem would be and sound completely different if she had end-stopped it or broken the lines in some other way. It wouldn't sound nearly so much like verbal jazz. | ||
| GA Sunshine
Moderator Username: ga_sunshine Post Number: 1520 Registered: 06-2006 |
This does sound like fun! Should we move the thread to Balancing QI? We could call it Line Breaking. Name the first one Line Breaking - Braille? If this is a hit, maybe there could be a Line Breaking 1 and 2 and 3 (cha-cha-cha)! *Hugs* Susan | ||
| Ann Metlay
Senior Member Username: wordsrworthy Post Number: 4588 Registered: 08-2007 |
Whereever and however, count me in. Ann I am paying attention to small beauties, whatever I have--as if it were our duty to find things to love, to bind ourselves to this world. (Sharon Olds) | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Moderator Username: garydawg Post Number: 24541 Registered: 07-2001 |
Do you mean line breaks or line breaks ? Smiles. Gary Celebrate Walt with Gary: http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw10/tw4conte.htm | ||
| Rania S. Watts
Advanced Member Username: cementcoveredcherries Post Number: 1008 Registered: 04-2008 |
Ok, here is my dissection attempt! Thanks M, that was fun.  The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." Rania S. Watts "You will hardly know who I am or what I mean" ~ Walt Whitman Cement Covered Cherries | ||
| steve williams
Board Administrator Username: twobyfour Post Number: 2240 Registered: 01-2003 |
So, i don't know who wrote this, but this is how i'd break it up... The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. s | ||
| GA Sunshine
Moderator Username: ga_sunshine Post Number: 1521 Registered: 06-2006 |
Here's my attempt. Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Moderator Username: garydawg Post Number: 24545 Registered: 07-2001 |
But first, it needs rewritten - there are 6 gerunds in the bit... Ouch. The blind fold their dollar bills in half - the fives creased on each corner, the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the sighted, not to be bilked. Blind leading blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by a gentle with a stick. Smiles. Gary Celebrate Walt with Gary: http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw10/tw4conte.htm | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30693 Registered: 11-1998 |
Did a gerund scare you when you were just a tot, Mr. B? What is this fear that threatens to take over your life (or at least your writing)? Whoever told you never to use a gerund (or an -ing), should never say never. There are many instances when a passive voice is appropriate, some would even go so far as to say necessary. It depends on the effect you wish to achieve. Immediacy and/or an active voice are not always appropriate either. And never say never to anything. Some pro will come along, use a gerund or six, and prove you wrong. *grin* Love, M | ||
| brenda morisse
Advanced Member Username: moritric Post Number: 2208 Registered: 04-2007 |
Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." (Message edited by moritric on July 09, 2008) | ||
| Emusing
Senior Member Username: emusing Post Number: 5977 Registered: 08-2003 |
Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick."  There are many ways to shave this goat. Will I be graded? Word Walker Press; Moonday Poetry; Kyoto Journal Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his uniqueness. --Leo Buscaglia | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 9752 Registered: 07-2002 |
Here's my go round. . . Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. Once in a Blue Muse Blog LJCohen | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Moderator Username: garydawg Post Number: 24556 Registered: 07-2001 |
Miss M, they already have...but not often... Smiling. Gary Celebrate Walt with Gary: http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw10/tw4conte.htm | ||
| Emusing
Senior Member Username: emusing Post Number: 5979 Registered: 08-2003 |
Actually this is very groovy. Thanks M for all your help on this. I love seeing how each one of us breaks a poem. Some people are like Edward Scissorhands with these linebreaks. Stand in front of a poem, then move away and voila an elephant! e Word Walker Press; Moonday Poetry; Kyoto Journal Education should be the process of helping everyone to discover his uniqueness. --Leo Buscaglia | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30694 Registered: 11-1998 |
Dearest E -- I can't exactly grade when there are no wrong or right answers. But for your benefit, the whole class gets an A or the whole class gets an F. You decide. *LOL* Love, M | ||
| Lazarus
Senior Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 3566 Registered: 10-2005 |
Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. -Laz | ||
| nia sunset
Advanced Member Username: nia Post Number: 2465 Registered: 04-2006 |
I try too, it seems enjoyable but you have already done most of them, can it be one more too, let's see, thank you for everyone, love, nia _______________________________________________________________ The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. Butterfly Wings of Nia "Carry the beauties;wash the badnesses with your poetical spirit" | ||
| W.F. Roby
Intermediate Member Username: wfroby Post Number: 347 Registered: 03-2008 |
Alright everyone, now WHY did we break the lines this way? It would appear that some of you were looking to make a visual impact -- this is a perfectly valid technique that goes back as long as the history of poetry itself. brenda, you seem to see this poem akin to a piece of visual art -- your lines are neatly ordered and the poem IS visually striking. Thanks for your work. I'm going to use Nia's exercise as an example of a poem that seems to be broken by SOUND -- another totally valid method. I say this because of these breaks of Nia's -- "The blind / leading the blind is not so bad / -- how it is lost" When you read her break aloud, paying attention to your breathing and inflection, you can really HEAR the way Nia reads this poem, and that is a beautiful experience for me. Steve seems to be playing with what some of us linebreak-o-philes call "tension" -- that intangible of intangible qualities a linebreak can have that really sucks a reader in. His breaks at "folding" and "leading" lead me in this direction. So, now, tell me what I got wrong! I'm sure there is plenty. I personally envision this as a longer-lined almost prose poem. Think of this as uncorking a delicious Washington state pinot noir and letting it breathe before enjoying it. This is similar to what Laz did, a break I particularly enjoyed. Now this is my taste. Is it yours? Probably not. While I'm letting my pinot noir breathe, you could be chugging a glass of milk. But at least we don't have to drink alone. The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us that you can learn all of the world you need by tapping it gently with a stick. (Message edited by wfroby on July 10, 2008) | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 9753 Registered: 07-2002 |
Good point, Roby--the why of a line break is as important as the what. An explanation of my choices: Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. <--because this poem seems to be laying out an argument, I broke the opening to make longer lines, each its own statement. I wanted the reader to expect some closure to this 'argument' There are ways, even in trust <--trust seemed like a crucial word in the context of the poem. among the rank and file of the seeing, <--to break on 'seeing' is to emphasize that the narrator is not blind, and is musing on trust, an his/her relationship to the world not to be bilked. The blind <--this was a break for sound: bilked/blind and to make the old saying feel fresher leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day <--a crucial line--the narrator is seeing ("us") versus the blind. that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it <--here I broke for metrics. In reading it aloud, the break allowed for a micro pause to emphasize tapping and gently gently with a stick. Who's next?? best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog LJCohen | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30697 Registered: 11-1998 |
The beauty of line breaking, WF, is that you got nothing wrong. Oh, the linebreakers here may have different reasons for why they chose the line breaks they did, but whatever you took from their artwork is valid and is what it represents for you. What you did prove is that line breaks add meaning and texture to a poem. They matter because they cause readers to read poems in a certain manner and to experience those poems in certain ways. Thanks for your analysis. I found it very enlightening and I'm sure those you referenced will as well. Love, M | ||
| Lazarus
Senior Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 3571 Registered: 10-2005 |
Lisa- I loved your breaks. And there were a few others that really got me. Nia did an excellent version for sound, and agree with Roby there. Each of our examples highlight something about the poet doing them too, that may be a stretch to say, but nia is always full of wonder and Steve is rather intense and their choices seemed to me to reflect this. Anyway, on with my explanation: Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. < I had the most trouble deciding on this line break. I wanted to put the in half on the next line, but I didn’t want to break up the thought. I felt the N saw this first and riffed the poem off it so I left it whole. Giving the fives a crease on each < I for tension and the sound of crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth < for extension on the word smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even < for the rhyme with each and suspension in trust among the rank and file < to keep rank and file together of the seeing, not to be bilked. < to keep seeing and bilked together and the consonance with file The blind leading the blind < to keep the cliché together is not so bad -- how it is lost < suspension on lost on us every day that you can learn < alliteration with lost all of the world you need to know < this was a hard line to make make sense, all together seemed to work best by tapping it gently with a stick. < this conclusion rolls off the tongue nicely together. I think this might be a trick question though and the poem was written as a prose poem. -Laz | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Moderator Username: kathy Post Number: 9077 Registered: 12-2003 |
The blind folding their dollar bills in half, give the fives creases on each corner, leave the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad – how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. *Kathy You're invited to: Wild Flowers Poetry is a way of taking life by the throat.--Robert Frost | ||
| Shawn Nacona
Intermediate Member Username: shawn_nacona Post Number: 818 Registered: 03-2007 |
Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick. (Message edited by Shawn nacona on July 10, 2008) http://shawnnacona.wordpress.com/ | ||
| Ann Metlay
Senior Member Username: wordsrworthy Post Number: 4598 Registered: 08-2007 |
Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad – how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." I am paying attention to small beauties, whatever I have--as if it were our duty to find things to love, to bind ourselves to this world. (Sharon Olds) | ||
| nia sunset
Advanced Member Username: nia Post Number: 2470 Registered: 04-2006 |
WOW! How nicely going all these line breaks! I am reading all of them. Thank you Roby and Laz, means a lot for me because it was my first try and I was thinking it finished already but now I can see that still my poet friends can make more and sure it is so exciting. I am learning and ý can find in every try something different but nice. But of course all of them differently hit! But maybe this is what is expected here, and I enjoy(ed). Thank you for you all, with my love, nia  Butterfly Wings of Nia "Carry the beauties;wash the badnesses with your poetical spirit" | ||
| W.F. Roby
Intermediate Member Username: wfroby Post Number: 348 Registered: 03-2008 |
Here's another question to stir the fire. How does formal poetry deal with the issue of linebreaks? Seems like in that case, the break of the line is influenced heavily by other factors, like rhyme or syllable count. Sometimes this imposed linebreak system is what keeps me from digging really DEEP into formal poetry, and my formal poems end up bulging at their line's ends. Anyone else have a similar experience? Feelings? Alright: new example for breakplay. Rebreak William Carlos Williams' (in)famous minimalist poem The Red Wheelbarrow. "So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside the white chickens." I think this simple line has given me more trouble in my linebreak work than any other. So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside the white chickens. Now, having stumbled my amateur way through one of America's greatest poet's masterwork, I am ashamed of my effort. William's original linebreaks, mostly visual by the way nia (!), are perfect. WHY! WHY! The brain puzzles. Less coffee. | ||
| nia sunset
Advanced Member Username: nia Post Number: 2478 Registered: 04-2006 |
The Red Wheelbarrow so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens. William Carlos Williams * * * So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow glazed with rainwater beside the white chickens Roby * * * so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens. thanks Roby, do you know what I think right now (even in one of my book I wrote this); the sun generally is same for all of us, but the sun is not the same, every morning comes a new sun and every morning we are not same too, we look and see different... everyday something changes and adds and loses. So I think, about line breaks or about poems, we all look different and even tomorrow I will look again and maybe another caught point will be in my mind. anyway, just as you said they are all perfect. and they can be richness of writing world. Thank you, with my love, nia (Message edited by nia on July 10, 2008) Butterfly Wings of Nia "Carry the beauties;wash the badnesses with your poetical spirit" | ||
| Shawn Nacona
Intermediate Member Username: shawn_nacona Post Number: 819 Registered: 03-2007 |
W.F. Roby, To a degree you are right, when you are working on formal poetry. First think of the use of line as a method of making a poem line by line instead of something language is broken into. The question then is, do you compose your poems line by line, or do you break your poems into lines after they have been composed? For me the answer is both, but I think that all authors should try both methods because there is a difference. To me since Free Verse poetry is only so free, when you write free verse poetry and focus on your use of line you still need to be able the test the weight of the language and rhythms that you have strung along. One would still use line to create tensions and relaxations in your lines, to emphasize words, and to slow down and speed up your reader through various pauses caused by punctuations within or at the end of you lines and with white space. A line break is more than just a pause at the end of a line, it is very much a part of that poem, it is part of the effects that make a poem work and a large part of a poem as a whole. Think of it as pauses in music really. Now when you are writing form poetry of course you need to be aware of meter so that you can know the inflections of the language in the poem, this goes for reading poems too really. The other thing is that most poets who begin to write in free verse have usually dabbled with form poetry before settling with free verse, and this is probably because as I said, free verse is only so free, a writer still needs to know how to use the tools of poetry to make a free verse form work and this includes of course use of line. I think you should know, at least to me, even with formal poetry the poet has some level of control over when he and/or she uses to break the line. Even with William Carlos Williams’s famous poem or Gwendolyn Brooks’s poem from above, it was the poet who had to know the tools of poetry and how these lines breaks would work for the piece that they were writing. We Real Cool The Pool Players. Seven at the Golden Shovel. We real cool. We Left school. We Lurk late. We Strike straight. We Sing sin. We Thin gin. We Jazz June. We Die soon. If you read this piece you can see that what makes it flow as it does is the period before the "we" at the end of the line and the pause after each "we" before we push on to the next line. If you re-write this poem and take away those pauses and change the form then you actually disrupt the rhythm of the poem itself and that is because Gwendolyn Brooks wrote this poem and skillfully used line for her breaks, probably reading this out loud, getting a feel for the tempo and how her punctuation and line breaks cause pauses or beats like music in her work. You as a poet should try to do the same when you write, play with your lines; play with the rhythm, when you have the poem right I suspect you will learn to know. What thrills me about Gwendolyn Brooks poem is that really there is no other way to write the lines, you can try to break it apart another way, but it is just not the same, it is like the final form in this case is the perfect form for the poem and no other line breaks will work the same. This is sometimes the case, and I imagine it has to be quite an awesome feeling to accomplish. Now, for William Carlos Williams’s poem: so much depends upon a red wheel barrow glazed with rain water beside the white chickens.----> The first way that this poem works for me is that it is pared down to what is vital for the poem itself, not a word could be spared here. Then William runs all his couplets together by not using any end-stopped lines between them, this makes the reader flow through the poem with shorter pauses. The other way his lines work for me is the word that he has chosen to end his lines on. Lines like, a red wheel and glazed with rain or beside the white if you read these lines the words at the end of each line makes the line themselves take on a separate meaning before you read on and the thought is complete, a red wheel becomes a red wheel barrow, and beside the white become white chickens. These lines almost read as something apart from what they become when you read the line that follows them. This is another one of the fun tricks of line, making your line take on its own separate meaning before you push on. Hope something here helps. Cheers! Shawn Nacona http://shawnnacona.wordpress.com/ | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Moderator Username: garydawg Post Number: 24563 Registered: 07-2001 |
Formal poetry relies on meter or in the case of cinqs/ku/ect on a specific syl count...mostly... And btw, Red Wheelbarrow is actually part of a much larger poem. WCW is worth reading in the orginal and is Emily D - ie not in the versions edited. Smiles. Gary Celebrate Walt with Gary: http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw10/tw4conte.htm | ||
| MV
Senior Member Username: michaelv Post Number: 933 Registered: 11-2003 |
The poem itself will dictate its own line breaks. "The poem throws itself around" - Bly "I look for the forms things want to come as" --A.R. Ammons ^^ line break is part of the form to function - integral in service of the poem's being. Michael (MV) "Poetics" I look for the way things will turn out spiralling from a center, the shape things will take to come forth in so that the birch tree white touched black at branches will stand out wind-glittering totally its apparent self: I look for the forms things want to come as from what black wells of possibility, how a thing will unfold: not the shape on paper -- though that, too -- but the uninterfering means on paper: not so much looking for the shape as being available to any shape that may be summoning itself through me from the self not mine but ours. -- A.R. Ammons | ||
| W.F. Roby
Intermediate Member Username: wfroby Post Number: 349 Registered: 03-2008 |
Wow, thanks for bringing up the Ammons poem. Saw this in a workshop once and couldn't think of the thing. Gary -- I say the same thing about Proust, but hardly anyone is willing to learn French. | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 30724 Registered: 11-1998 |
Dearest All – Well, it seems that everyone who wanted to play around with this exercise has had a go at it, so I’ll post the poem the way it was formatted by the author. No, Laz, this wasn’t a trick question, though you did make me smile with your suspicions. In case anyone is interested in some background info, the poem “Braille” was written by Gerald Costanzo, who is a Professor of English and Creative Writing at Carnegie Mellon. He has published more than three hundred poems, articles about poetry, and literary essays in addition to three limited edition collections of poems, four full-length collections, and two edited anthologies. He has been the recipient of National Endowment for the Arts Creative Writing Fellowships, Pushcart Prizes, a Pennsylvania Council on the Arts Writing Fellowship, and an Editorial Fellowship from the Coordinating Council of Literary Magazines. In the early 70s, he founded Three Rivers Poetry Journal and Carnegie Mellon University Press. A graduate of Harvard, and of The Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins, his collections of poems include In the Aviary (winner of Dvins Award), and The Laps of the Bridesmaids. And here is the poem as it was written by Costanzo: Braille by Gerald Costanzo The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the five a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad – how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick If you look back through this thread, you will see that while some people came close to Costanzo’s line and stanza breaks, no one did it exactly as he did, nor exactly like anyone else. While a good foundation in line/stanza break techniques and tips is good to have, this exercise should prove that line breaks are often a personal choice and dependent on what effects you’d like to achieve with the poem. Breaking in all its variations gives the poet the opportunity to speed up or slow down the read, to make things flowing and lyrical, or make them quick and punchy. There really is no one right way. It’s highly dependent on what the content dictates as well as how the poet feels about how he wishes the material to be read. The most important lesson to take away from this exercise is to experiment. Just because you format something one way when you originally draft it, that doesn’t mean it’s the best way nor does it mean you are committed to that. Try line and stanza breaking the same poem in all kinds of different ways. See what effects you can achieve. Play with abandon. Eventually, you will almost always prefer one version over all the others. But don’t expect others to agree with you. Line breaks are unique to their authors. Different poets very rarely agree. Love, M | ||
| Kath Abela Wilson
New member Username: kathabela Post Number: 3 Registered: 06-2008 |
I came to this late- and I did mine before looking and it is nothing like it was "supposed to be" - I know there's no supposed to- it's more like I might do it (at least in a certain mood) so I am posting it anyway, hope it is okay, I enjoyed the play! Braille The blind folding their dollar bills in half. Giving the fives a crease on each corner; leaving the tens smooth as a knuckle. There are ways, even in trust among the rank and file of the seeing, not to be bilked. The blind leading the blind is not so bad -- how it is lost on us every day that you can learn all of the world you need to know by tapping it gently with a stick." | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Moderator Username: garydawg Post Number: 24599 Registered: 07-2001 |
Kath, your version has the feel of a WCWilliams and that is not a bad thing. Welcome to Wild, looking forward to seeing what else you do. Smiles. Gary Celebrate Walt with Gary: http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw10/tw4conte.htm |
