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wyldthang
New member
Username: wyldthang

Post Number: 10
Registered: 02-2006
Posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 - 1:13 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post

I was advised to move my question here. The poem follows. Thanks in advance for the help, and I hope in the asking I can help others;0).

I have a few questions: "navigat-ing"--since I am describing what the bird is going to do with a word impying future action, "prepares", "navigat-es" would be present tense, and does not seem to fit by tense, or by number--fragility prepares, fragility navigates, but I'm saying "prepares to fly", and to be parallel would be "prepares to navigate", and "fragility navigate" is wrong...I know the poet rule is to avoid -ing words/gerunds...but "prepares to fly, navigating" seems the best route. Sorry for making a mess of explaining myself(ack, another ing! eek, two!), but how do I fix it? I can fix "looking", "Gathering" doesn't seem to be an issue beyond a wrong moon name, and then there's "stabbing" which no one highlighted...I'd appreciate sorting through the -ing issue here, THANKS

Under the Gathering Moon
of September, bare-nested birds flock
newly naked limbs, looking

southward. In bits of feather, blood
and bone, fragility
prepares to fly, sometimes

blind, through wind-ripped clouds
and stabbing rain, navigating
by constellations or magnetic currents

(we’re not quite sure).
Nonetheless, millions
of small feathered miracles

fly by night. I sleep
the sleep of God-loved sparrows.
LJ Cohen
Moderator
Username: ljc

Post Number: 3946
Registered: 07-2002
Posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 - 1:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post

wyldthang,

It's not that 'ings' are bad or there is some unwritten rule of poetry that says 'thou shalt NOT use ings!', but that IMHO, using lots of them in a short poem stops the flow.

Read the piece out loud. 'ing' induces a closing down feel--a stopping place. That may or may not be the effect you want in any particular place. Using the simple present tense usually conveys immediacy better.

Write it both ways and see which feels 'cleaner' to you. It doesn't have to be an either/or situation. Perhaps you need 'stabbing rain', but looking and navigating might be better in simple present tense.

best,
ljc
Once in a Blue Muse Blog
~M~
Board Administrator
Username: mjm

Post Number: 6562
Registered: 11-1998
Posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 - 1:29 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post

Good questions, wyldthang, and luckily we have already had discussions here that may help you. I direct you to NATUROPATHY, our Libary forum:

Why oh why no Gerunds?

What the Heck is a Gerund, Anyway?

Those discussions might help to enlighten you and make you feel more comfortable when confronting the -ing issue.

Hope that helps. Oh, and while you're there, do check out some of the other discussions in our Library. Lots of good information already at your disposal!

Best,
M (Administrator)


wyldthang
New member
Username: wyldthang

Post Number: 11
Registered: 02-2006
Posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 - 4:46 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post

Thanks for the references,I had been spanked so much(elsewhere, wholesale) for simply using ing words that I thought it was some stone-rule. But then I'd go read "good contemporary poetry" and guess what? they use ing words! I do try to avoid using them because most of the time it is a tense thing. But here, I was baffled. Besides that, I balk at being told those "official professional poet rules"--something about "rules" for something so creative being set in stone smacks of someone that has a spanking fetish;0) I've practiced enough scales as a musician to know that rules in creative stuff are meant to be broken(one you understand their construct--you get the scales under your fingers and you can improvise with good design). Thanks again!