| Author | Message | ||
| wyldthang
New member Username: wyldthang Post Number: 10 Registered: 02-2006 |
I was advised to move my question here. The poem follows. Thanks in advance for the help, and I hope in the asking I can help others;0). I have a few questions: "navigat-ing"--since I am describing what the bird is going to do with a word impying future action, "prepares", "navigat-es" would be present tense, and does not seem to fit by tense, or by number--fragility prepares, fragility navigates, but I'm saying "prepares to fly", and to be parallel would be "prepares to navigate", and "fragility navigate" is wrong...I know the poet rule is to avoid -ing words/gerunds...but "prepares to fly, navigating" seems the best route. Sorry for making a mess of explaining myself(ack, another ing! eek, two!), but how do I fix it? I can fix "looking", "Gathering" doesn't seem to be an issue beyond a wrong moon name, and then there's "stabbing" which no one highlighted...I'd appreciate sorting through the -ing issue here, THANKS Under the Gathering Moon of September, bare-nested birds flock newly naked limbs, looking southward. In bits of feather, blood and bone, fragility prepares to fly, sometimes blind, through wind-ripped clouds and stabbing rain, navigating by constellations or magnetic currents (we’re not quite sure). Nonetheless, millions of small feathered miracles fly by night. I sleep the sleep of God-loved sparrows. | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3946 Registered: 07-2002 |
wyldthang, It's not that 'ings' are bad or there is some unwritten rule of poetry that says 'thou shalt NOT use ings!', but that IMHO, using lots of them in a short poem stops the flow. Read the piece out loud. 'ing' induces a closing down feel--a stopping place. That may or may not be the effect you want in any particular place. Using the simple present tense usually conveys immediacy better. Write it both ways and see which feels 'cleaner' to you. It doesn't have to be an either/or situation. Perhaps you need 'stabbing rain', but looking and navigating might be better in simple present tense. best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6562 Registered: 11-1998 |
Good questions, wyldthang, and luckily we have already had discussions here that may help you. I direct you to NATUROPATHY, our Libary forum: Why oh why no Gerunds? What the Heck is a Gerund, Anyway? Those discussions might help to enlighten you and make you feel more comfortable when confronting the -ing issue. Hope that helps. Oh, and while you're there, do check out some of the other discussions in our Library. Lots of good information already at your disposal! Best, M (Administrator) | ||
| wyldthang
New member Username: wyldthang Post Number: 11 Registered: 02-2006 |
Thanks for the references,I had been spanked so much(elsewhere, wholesale) for simply using ing words that I thought it was some stone-rule. But then I'd go read "good contemporary poetry" and guess what? they use ing words! I do try to avoid using them because most of the time it is a tense thing. But here, I was baffled. Besides that, I balk at being told those "official professional poet rules"--something about "rules" for something so creative being set in stone smacks of someone that has a spanking fetish;0) I've practiced enough scales as a musician to know that rules in creative stuff are meant to be broken(one you understand their construct--you get the scales under your fingers and you can improvise with good design). Thanks again! |
